The 7-Year Itch in Marriage: Myth or Reality
All couples, no matter how harmonious, have disagreements. It’s a fact.
Having different opinions and talking is not bad; in fact, arguing calmly is different from yelling and breaking things.
Either way, relationships are complicated, and individuals are too, and anyone who claims they never argue with their partner is lying. Some believe that rough patches can happen after being together for a while, although it may just be a myth.
You might know about the six-month, three-year, and six-year crises, or have read about them.
For instance, it takes half a year for a couple to become stable, which is why there are many issues afterward. For example, it takes six months for a couple to become stable.
This is why there are many issues that arise afterward. Similarly, a split often occurs at the three-year mark. This is because people return to their true selves and are no longer under the influence of love.
The 7-year itch is when couples decide if their relationship is good or not. They either realize it’s not working or they feel happy and committed. But is it real?
Some couples break up after seven years, but others make it through or don’t go through this tough time.
The 7-year itch is not always experienced by everyone. It happens when both partners lose interest in their relationship.
Couples' "7-Year Itch"
The idea of the “7-year itch in Marriage” has been around for a while as it signifies a dull relationship.
But being married for seven years is neither amazing nor scary. Even though there are a lot of splits at this point, it makes you think. How can this be?
Within the 7-year mark, either or both of the individuals in the relationship “review” their lives. The crisis happens when the couple believes they have reached their peak level of connection. However, their relationship is either deteriorating or remaining stagnant.
A couple has had seven years to face problems, fail at them, and try to solve them. Most of the time, seven years is enough time to figure out a lot about the other person.
At this point, many couples may feel like their once-magical relationship has turned into something ordinary. A feeling that will help them decide if it’s worth going on if their shared routine still has important moments.
Transitioning from a state of infatuation to the dilemma of "Should I Stay or Should I Go" occurs as individuals navigate what is expected.
Unexpectedly, the length of a relationship doesn’t say anything about how good it is. Only the partners in a relationship know whether their connection is based on lasting love or stifling commitment.
Every relationship goes through different periods and obstacles. No major life events, such as marriage, parenthood, or homeownership, should take precedence over cultivating a lasting and shared love.
A couple may prioritize societal expectations over their relationship’s needs. This could lead to neglecting what is truly important for their relationship. Maintaining a good relationship is difficult if being close to someone is not enjoyable. It doesn’t matter how committed or consistent the couple is.
Relationships with partners and close friends are built on intimacy. The relationship will inevitably terminate if it deteriorates, whether it happens in public or in private.
How does it show up?
The initial exhilaration that comes with anything new eventually turns into a habit. Therefore, after five to seven years of marriage, couples get so used to one another that the union may seem dull.
This is often indicated by a lack of interest in having sex, the conviction that one is no longer in love with the other person, or the desire to have an affair or file for divorce. There is a fallacy that happiness may be found somewhere else at this point in the crisis.
There are probably other couples you know that split up around this period if you look around.
Yet why? Is there truly a seven-year itch in marriage? What transpires after that to cause the dissolution of so many apparently solid relationships?
Why do so many relationships end after seven years?
Most relationships end within eight years because people lack the self-awareness required to sustain healthy and stable relationships.
We have acquired the ability to blend in. We have become adept at appeasing others. We now know how to live up to others’ expectations.
We’re advised not to show the parts of ourselves we don’t like, as it may lead to criticism and punishment. Those concealed elements eventually surface when we live with someone.
We are ultimately living together with someone we don’t really know. And not one of us is sure how to deal with it.
We make unreachable promises. “I’ll modify. I swear I won’t let it happen once again. We get weary with time.
Perhaps one of us decides to stop it because we feel bad enough. Or the other person gives up when they’ve had enough. Due to the stages of connection and emotional dependence that we go through, it takes anywhere from 6 to 10 years to leave. Relationships would endure considerably less time without connection.
Other elements
There are several factors that, in addition to attachment and reliance, account for the fact that many relationships fail after seven years together:
- We lack self-awareness, which makes it hard for us to know what we desire. We choose the incorrect path while making choices. That contradiction informs the relationships we choose. due to ignorance.
- Love is never sufficient: mostly because we are unable to define love. Some individuals like to surprise their spouse, making them feel special, and making them smile.
Supporting them and ensuring they don’t need anything is what it means for others. Most individuals have never really known true love. - Rather than true love, there is greater connection and emotional dependence: When we fall in love, we establish an uneasy bond, one that is motivated by hidden anxieties and insecurities.
We are unaware of the fears we have, including those of abandonment, rejection, not being significant enough, not being loved, and being alone. It’s referred to as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The likelihood is that my actions, motivated by this dread, will make my spouse lose tolerance for and affection for me if I’m worried that it will end. - Lack of dedication: Many long-term partnerships begin with a sexual or physical connection. We have a nice time in bed, have interests in common, and establish a superficial emotional tie.
We begin to fatigue when, after seven years, that physical or sexual connection deteriorates. due to the lack of true commitment. - Due to the lack of genuine commitment on both ends, the guilt or blame for the relationship’s failure falls on both parties, not just the cheater.
- Responsibility disparity: Our culture has a history of being both sexist and strongly feminist. And in committed partnerships, none of these functions well.
Relationships that are 50/50 don’t last over time. as they are not real. The truth is that everyone can be who they are and that their spouse will accept them for who they are.
Why should we choose a partner that doesn’t accept us exactly who we are?
If the love is still there, how do you address and get through the situation?
Many couples seem to be tough and endure the challenges of marriage despite the high divorce rate.
What are some techniques that happy couples use to keep their relationships strong? Some of the more significant ones are listed below:
- It’s crucial to talk about the routine activities of a typical day and pay close attention to what the other person has to say. Talking becomes more pleasurable and beneficial when humor and playfulness are included.
- Validating what is expressed by listening. After all, it’s the everyday occurrences that give a day its character. It is crucial that couples set aside time for these kinds of discussions.
- The value of touching. It’s amazing how a touch can make you feel cozy and warm. It’s important to remember to touch each other. By the way, this is a natural method to show your partner that you are interested in and warm to them rather than just sexual contact.
- Couples may plan getaways or set up dates for a special supper without the kids.
- Writing romantic notes, offering warm kisses while arriving and departing, and doing unexpected things may all contribute to long-lasting relationships.
- Forgiveness. Couples may say and do things that are nasty and unpleasant when circumstances are bad. A more respectful marriage may be ensured by discussing these issues and showing forgiveness to one another.
- Understanding is a cornerstone.
The seventh year is not a “special threat” that couples should be afraid of. As “real life” and, especially, children enter the scene during the first years of a couple’s relationship, marital happiness, and general quality tend to decline.
The best method to deal with the 7-year itch is to first identify it, if it even exists, and then put in place appropriate coping mechanisms.
Conflict is intended to increase understanding. You can’t always be right and be married or in a relationship at the same time, according to reality.
A bad emotional state with a strong transmission power might happen to anybody at any time. When this phenomenon happens during tense times in the marriage, more caution is thus required.
And you, how many years have you been married? What do you think? Is it a myth or reality?
Ready to improve your relationship and strengthen your bond with your partner?
Dr. Benejam is here to help through expert couple therapy.
If you and your partner are facing challenges and looking to build a healthier and happier connection, don’t hesitate to call Dr. Benejam at (561) 376-9699 / (305) 981-6434 to schedule your appointment.
Your journey towards a more fulfilling relationship starts with this important call. Act today and take the next step toward a brighter future together!
