How to deal with the “insults”


The Psychology behind the insults

In life, you may have encountered unkind drivers, bosses who embarrassed you, or bullies at school who made fun of you. These experiences can be difficult and hurtful. But here’s the truth: you’re not alone.

Sometimes, you may have acted arrogantly, offensively, or rudely towards someone you know, a colleague, or even a stranger.

Humiliation, ridicule, and satire are common in different places, like our homes, workplaces, and TV shows. They use jokes to make fun of public figures or send a message.

Insults are not a new concept nor limited to a specific region or race. So why do people feel compelled to insult others? When is an insult justified? The psychology behind insults is vast and encompasses cultural aspects and basic human emotions.

One reason is that they have learned it from their family, school, or work. Another reason is that they want to control others and feel powerful.

While insults can trigger intense emotions and leave emotional scars, each person reacts differently to these situations. Some may ignore them, respond calmly, or distance themselves from confrontation, while others may deeply affect them.

People who are confident and manage their emotions well handle insults better than those who are easily upset and hold grudges.


What motivates certain individuals to feel such a strong urge to identify weaknesses and cause harm to others?

Hidden Emotions: Unraveling the Motivations behind Insults

Some psychologists think that everyone has a hidden aspect of their personality that they prefer not to reveal or discuss. People often keep this hidden part private and do not openly express it.

This secret place holds things we don’t like and bad memories of abuse we went through in the past.

When suppressed feelings and concerns like low self-esteem, self-defeating thoughts, guilt, and anger remain unaddressed, some individuals resort to insults as a means to release pent-up anger, avoid facing painful traumas, or exert control over others and feel empowered.

Another reason people resort to insults is due to ignorance; they simply don’t know any better.

People become accustomed to insulting behavior because they witness it frequently in their daily lives. This can occur at home, school, or work. As a result, it becomes their default method to deal with problems.

Media influences children’s attitudes towards insults and violence through cartoons, movies, and video games.

Insults can come from our natural desire for hierarchy and the fact that we all have a tendency for aggression.

Gabriel, in his paper “An Introduction to the social psychology of insults in organizations,” suggests that jokes and insults share similarities. Both rely on timing and target sensitive nerves, playing on hidden desires and weaknesses.

However, the distinguishing factor lies in their emotional content: jokes elicit mirth, while insults unleash anger.

There are many ways to make people feel bad, such as mocking, being rude, using stereotypes, and swearing.

If you strongly dislike someone, it’s because you see a part of yourself in them that you don’t like. Those qualities or traits that are foreign to us do not cause us any emotional disturbance.

A Wide Range of Taunts

Insults can happen with words or actions, like disrespecting things, damaging symbols, giving back gifts, or declining invitations. They can be brutally explicit, like indecent gestures, racist or sexual harassment.

Insults can be subtle. They can use hints or facial expressions. This gives the offended person an opportunity to save face or pretend not to care.

In Pretty Woman, Vivian (played by Julia Roberts) goes to a fancy store in Beverly Hills to buy a dress.

The saleswoman indirectly insults Vivian by carefully observing her and commenting on her appearance. She says things like “It’s very expensive,” “We don’t have anything for you,” and “You’re obviously in the wrong place.”

Gabriel points out insults that exclude people, like when invitations emphasize the difference between those invited and those not invited.

Even if no offense is intended, excluding people can easily make them feel insulted.  Neglecting to recognize or respect a significant aspect of someone’s identity or self-esteem can also come across as offensive.

Using the incorrect title, such as calling someone “Dr” instead of “Professor,” even if unintended, can come across as disrespectful.

Is there ever a reason for insults? No, insults lack moral reasoning.

Insults also possess a subjective element. Imagine you and a friend eating at a restaurant and ordering lots of food.

As a stranger passes by and eavesdrops, they remark, “What you indulge in now will have lasting consequences.” You find it humorous and chuckle, yet your friend becomes overwhelmed with sadness.

People’s reactions can vary due to the hidden parts of their personality. These hidden parts often hold emotions and qualities that connect to past traumas.

Your friend may have had weight problems in school or college. This is why she found the stranger’s comment offensive. However, you didn’t find it offensive, even though both of you are currently fit.

Dealing with Difficult People

  • Emily, a waitress at “Café Serenity,” handled a dissatisfied customer named Mr. Thompson.

    Despite his complaints about the wait, Emily remained composed, apologized, and assured him that she would personally attend to his order.

    Emily didn’t take his frustrations personally and discreetly ensured his satisfaction. Mr. Thompson later apologized, and Emily’s empathy left a lasting impression, turning him into a regular customer.

  • Olivia Mitchell, a successful event planner, had to organize a gala for a perfectionist client, Mrs. Williams. Olivia Mitchell is a successful event planner.

    She had to organize a gala for a perfectionist client, Mrs. Williams. Olivia listened carefully to Mrs. Williams’ worries. She assured her that she valued her and was dedicated to creating an amazing event.

    Throughout the process, Olivia kept her updated, encouraged feedback, and remained composed despite moments of frustration.

    The flawlessly executed gala impressed Mrs. Williams, leading to glowing recommendations and new high-profile clients.

Quote Sigmund Freud 1

The Lasting Impact of Insults

Insults have a direct impact on a person’s feelings, self-esteem, pride, identity, and ego. No matter how or when they occur, insults leave emotional scars.

Insults and bullying can harm someone’s self-esteem and impact their mental and social growth.

Children who experience such abuse may suffer from attention deficits, lower intelligence, memory issues, and difficulties expressing emotions suitably.

Emotional abuse can affect both children and adults. Some signs of emotional abuse include depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, negative thoughts, physical issues, and even drug use.

However, there is hope. As Sigmund Freud, a famous neurologist and psychoanalysis founder, wisely said, “Out of your weaknesses will come your strength.”

We can’t control others, but we can control our reactions by understanding our feelings and staying focused.

Insults may affect us, but they cannot control our thoughts and behaviors unless we allow them to.

Embrace the role of a harmonious warrior and keep in mind that victory can be achieved by abstaining from conflict.

How to deal with insults

Facing an insult can be a struggle, but there are some strategies that can help you deal with the situation: 

  • Establish eye contact and take an immediate pause: When confronted with an uncomfortable situation, it is vital not to avoid eye contact.

    In uncomfortable situations, don’t avoid eye contact. Making eye contact shows confidence and that you won’t be scared. Accompany this with a pause before responding to give yourself time to process the situation and prepare to react assertively.

  • Express assertively a firm “stop” to the aggressor, without yielding power: Don’t feel obligated to endure insults or verbal attacks. It is essential to remain calm and respond assertively with a clear “Enough!”

    Don’t let the bully take away your personal and emotional power. Remember that being strong and firm can scare them off and make them feel like a coward, stopping their bad behavior.
  • Do not let the aggressor manipulate your emotions or take control of your feelings:  Responding to their insults might trap you. They aim to make you feel unstable and gain power over you.

    Don’t let them provoke you. Stay emotionally balanced and don’t let their words affect your self-esteem or well-being.

  • Counter-interrogate the situation: An effective strategy is to take a deep breath to calm yourself and then directly ask the aggressor, “Did I hear you correctly, did you say [repeat the insult]?”.

    This strategy makes the person causing trouble the center of attention and directly addresses their bad behavior. Usually, when confronted like this, they become confused and can’t continue being aggressive.

    Often, when faced in this manner, they will be bewildered and unable to maintain their aggressive stance.

  • Walk away if necessary: If someone is being aggressive, it’s best to leave. If someone remains negative despite your attempts to stay calm and handle the situation, it is wise and courageous to leave.

    Don’t fall into the trap of those who try to manipulate you with comments like, “You’re too sensitive, I wasn’t serious.”

    Recognize that walking away puts an end to their negative dynamic and protects your emotional well-being.

  • Minimize communication to the essentials: Keep communication simple and direct when dealing with an aggressor. Minimize arguments by using emails or written messages to limit their chances of offensive behavior. This adds an extra layer of protection.

Facing uncomfortable situations with assertiveness and confidence is essential to preserve your personal and emotional integrity. 

These tips will help you deal with difficult people and stay in control during tough situations.

Remember, words can hurt, but you have the power to decide how to react to them. Don’t let insults control your emotions; instead, stay calm and be a peaceful warrior, winning the fight without fighting at all.

Over time, your vulnerabilities will turn into strengths, helping you overcome the negative effects of insults in your life.

Discover Dr. Benejam’s expert guidance on dealing with difficult situations with confidence and resilience!

Learn effective strategies to protect your self-esteem, respond assertively, and diffuse tense encounters. Take charge of your reactions and become a peaceful warrior in handling challenging moments.

Don’t let insults leave lasting scars on your emotional well-being. Embrace the path to reclaiming your inner strength.

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