Do you feel distant? You just don’t communicate, can’t talk anymore? It’s tense or always a fight?
Have you been feeling that your romantic partner and you just don’t connect? Are you having frequent, endless arguments? Sometimes, escalating into a big fight over something not even that important. Do you feel often better by yourself than with your partner or spouse? Maybe you’re starting to feel more like roommates. You might be coexisting under the same roof but “miles apart”.
Perhaps it’s difficult to compromise on different issues (finances, parenting, balancing work schedules with chores and personal life, etc.). Or maybe an affair or loss of trust has thrown the relationship off. Sometimes, there might be nothing specific that appears to be contributing to this rift, you’re just simply distant and disconnected.
As you’ve tried to fix or address the issues, it usually backfires, and it seems that conversations are rehashed with no progress. With every effort to reconcile it seems that it usually ends in another fight with disappointment and hopelessness increasing. This can even lead to simply stop trying, not motivated to attempt anything but knowing that the intimacy is gone. Regardless of what is causing this, you feel frustrated and lost, not knowing how to fix it or what approach to use.
When you reach this “dead end” you wish some magical approach or tools would help to regain your connection and your happiness. Do you want to discover better tools and skills that will help communicate better and help both of you manage conflicts better? Are you at a point where you want to resolve this but being assured that the approach will work?
Relationships Are Challenging And Going Through A “Bad” Stage Is Common
A major component of your life is your romantic relationship. The idea of a romantic relationship is for it to contribute to your happiness, sense of security and being supported, and to have someone to share our life journey. That’s the goal! However, when your romantic relationship is not going well it can turn your life around in a negative way and causing pain, worries, and consuming a lot of emotional energy. This pain can be exacerbated by frustrations related to not being listened or understood, and sensing that instead of progress, the relationship continues to deteriorate. We know that change is needed, that this is not sustainable. As part of this, we tend to focus on our partner’s deficiencies and it becomes clear to us what areas our partner or spouse needs to change.
Also, our romantic problems are compounded by external circumstances that can add stress and put our relationship in test. Most frequent contributors to relationship issues can be lack of communications, differences in parenting or financial management, infidelity, sexual issues, life crisis (midlife, financial, health, changes in job or relocation, etc.), among others. Regardless of the source, dealing with such issues become scary, frustrating, and we aren’t simply equipped or ready to resolve these challenges. No one gets a book on how to cope and resolve our relationship issues!
Here’s where I can help you as a trained, compassionate and experienced professional. The idea is to identify ways to communicate and listen more effectively, facilitate changes you both need to embrace that agree with your values and to establish a plan and goals. We can regain our hope and our sense of control as part of recovering our great relationship. It’s rediscovering what brought us together with the benefit of having more wisdom, tools and maturity. My role will is not to make decisions for you but rather to ensure that you both come back together as a couple, committed for life, and recovering your joy!
Couples Therapy Can Help You Become A Better Person And Help Recover Your Relationship
When I first meet with people that have issues in their relationship, often the focus is mainly on the issues and defects of their partner or spouse. What we do is redirect that focus on what each of us controls: our thoughts and behaviors. This is the starting point as we cannot change others. What we can do is influencing change on others by us making positive and healthy changes.
As part of couples counseling, one objective is to help you to get to know yourself better. Also, we help in getting to know your partner or spouse better. Improved communications is a centerpiece to our process. Learning with specific tools and using role playing to best express our needs and also listening to the other to better understand their needs as well. As part of this process, how we communicate becomes critical. It’s not what we say, it’s how we say it!
In parallel, we learn tools that help us avoid “baits” to help de-escalate and avoid saying things we later regret. Also, we discuss ways to help our partner feel listened (not dismissed) and to remain calmer. The interactions with our partner carry a strong emotional component but we need to develop the strategies and tools to remain calm and objective while, at the same time, being able to express how we feel (it’s not about just remaining quiet to avoid a fight).
With a positive and constructive approach, we target specific goals and needs, and tackle one at a time to begin the journey of changing together to fulfill our needs and remain true to ourselves. At the end, the ultimate goal is to be able to go through life together, as a team, as true partners in life. As part of this process, we learn together how and when to compromise, provide feedback (in a loving, respectful, and honest way) and identify commitments and changes that we know will bring great results. We aim for early wins and build on this progress, always with a strong foundation of love and respect.
Couples therapy can be very effective under the proper professional guidance together with the couple developing the right attitude and motivation for healthy changes and adjustments. We are realistic: a couple will face disagreements. It’s more how we “choose” to address these gaps and how to build the bridges that will allow us to thrive in our relationship.
With my help, you can build on your past experiences and on your strengths while we initiate a new journey of connection, trust and love. If you feel hopeless or stuck, don’t give up, with the right attitude, we can find solutions and work together in building a great future.
It Is Normal To Have Some Concerns Related To Couples Counseling
Should I Trust A Stranger With Our Private And Intimate Details?
This is a fair question and a common concern. But knowing that you will be in a non-judgmental, caring and professional environment will help you warm up to this process. Also, this is different than when including friends and family in your marital issues where there is usually a conflict of interest and lack of objectivity. By contrast, in therapy, having a third party that is unbiased and objective, and with total confidentiality, the process becomes effective and easier. As your therapist or counselor, my commitment is to provide this trusting and professional environment to facilitate your progress and growth.
How effective is Couples Therapy?
Couples Therapy is a great tool and the best way to identify and assess the major roadblocks to a positive relationship while developing the tools and actions that will ultimately resolve the issues. The option of doing nothing when you’re struggling with your partner in your relationship is truly not the best option, and you need the help of the proven tools and techniques that can propel your relationship to the next level.
Are We On Time To “Fix” Our Relationship?
It is critical that both parties remain committed and that love is still present. Also, you must bring with you the right attitude, be willing to become vulnerable and make reasonable changes and adjustments. With these ingredients, there is hope. By becoming properly vested in this process, together we can work in bringing back joy into our relationship.
What If One Of Us Already Decided To “Abandon Ship”?
Prior to reaching this conclusion, we work together in helping each party in the relationship find the right words and emotions to properly label our feelings and thoughts. As part of this, we help each party explore their true feelings and to be honest to us and to others. Unfortunately, there might be times when one of you have might have reached a conclusion based on extreme, perceived transgressions or differences. In these sad cases, it is still important to follow a process that will give us peace of mind knowing that we explored all options and truly attempted the best of efforts. Regardless of the outcome, helping you reach peace of mind and closure is a necessary ingredient to a happy life and becomes the basis for how we direct our life in the future.
Call To Discuss Your Situation And Set An Appointment With A Professional Couples Counselor
I answer all calls directly myself. As part of our call we can ensure that we are a good fit and take the next steps to help you improve your life and your relationship. Take the simple but important step of a calling me at 305-981-6434 (Miami Office) or at 561-376-9699 (Boca Raton Office).