Before we begin, it’s vital to understand that none of these techniques are classified as “dark arts” of influencing others. Something that may be damaging to someone, particularly their self-esteem, is not listed here. These are psychological techniques for making friends and influencing others without acting like a jerk or making someone feel bad.
1. Obtain Favors
Get someone to do you a favor, commonly known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. According to legend, Benjamin Franklin once sought to win over a guy who disliked him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when the book was received, he kindly thanked him. As a consequence, Franklin became friends with the man who had never wanted to talk to him before. To cite Franklin: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have required.”
Researchers decided to test this notion and discovered that people who were requested for a personal favor by the researcher rated the researcher far more favorably than the other groups.1
2. Aim for the stars
Ask for far more than you need at first, then reduce back afterward.
This technique is also referred to as the door-in-the-face method. You begin by making an outrageous request of someone, which they will almost certainly refuse. You then return shortly thereafter and request something far less ridiculous—the item you genuinely want in the first place.
This approach may also appear counter-intuitive, but the goal is that the person will feel awful for declining your initial request, even if it was ridiculous so that when you ask for something acceptable, they will feel obligated to assist you this time.
Scientists studied this idea and discovered that it worked very well as long as the same individual requested both the larger and smaller favors because the person feels obligated to help you the second time and not anybody else.
To utilize this to influence others, refer to them as who you want them to be so that they begin to think of themselves in this way.
Mirror their actions. Mirroring, also known as mimicry, is a natural behavior of some people.
Chameleons are persons that strive to blend into their surroundings by mimicking other people’s actions, mannerisms, and even speech patterns. This talent, however, can be employed purposefully and is an excellent method to increase your likeability. Researchers researched imitation and discovered that people who had been mimicked were considerably more willing to befriend the person who had copied them. Even more intriguing was their second discovery, which revealed that people who had someone duplicate their conduct were really friendlier and more pleasant to others in general—
even those who were not engaged in the event. It is possible that this works because replicating someone’s action helps them feel approved. While this validation is most likely to be connected with the person who validated them, they will have more self-esteem and so be more confident, happy, and well-disposed toward others.
5. Taking use of Tiredness
When someone is exhausted, they are more open to anything that is spoken to them, whether it is a remark or a request. The reason for this is that when people are tired, their mental energy levels decline as well as their physical energy levels. When you ask someone who is exhausted for anything, you will most likely get an “I’ll do it tomorrow” response since they don’t want to deal with decisions right now.
They are likely to follow through the next day because individuals tend to keep their word; it is normal psychologically to want to follow through on what you said you would do.
6. Maintain Your Silence
Do not even correct others when they are mistaken. Carnegie also stated in his renowned book that correcting someone is typically unneeded and has the opposite effect of endearing them to you. There is a method to express disagreement and transform it into a courteous discourse without telling someone they are wrong, which hurts their ego. The Ransberger Pivot was created by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The premise is simple: instead of arguing, listen to what they’ve to express and then try to comprehend how and why they are feeling that way.
7. They Can’t Turn Down This Offer
Begin with an impossible request and move up from there.
The door-in-the-face approach is reversed here. Instead of starting with a massive request, you begin with a very tiny one. Someone who has committed to assisting you or agreed to something is more likely to agree to a larger request.
This phenomenon was tested by scientists in the context of marketing. They began by asking people to show their support for the rain forests and the environment, which is a straightforward request. They discovered that after they had persuaded individuals to declare their support for the environment, they were much easier to persuade to buy items that supported rain forests and other similar things.
8. Stuff Back Again
People should repeat what they have just spoken to you.
One of the most powerful methods to influence others is to demonstrate that you truly understand how they feel and have genuine empathy for them. One of the most successful methods is to paraphrase what they say and repeat it back to them, a technique known as reflective listening. People were more likely to share emotion and have a significantly stronger therapeutic connection with therapists who employed reflective listening, according to studies. This readily transfers to conversations with your pals.
Nod frequently when speaking, especially while begging for a favor.
Researchers discovered that when people nod while listening to something, they are more likely to agree with it. They’ve also noticed that when someone in front of them is nodding a lot, it’s normal for them to do the same. This is logical given that people are well-recognized for imitating activities, particularly those with positive meanings. So, to be extra convincing, nod frequently during the dialogue.
The person you’re speaking with will find it difficult not to nod, and they will begin to feel agreeable to what you’re saying without even realizing it.